Telling The Children

Serious illness within the family can disrupt family life causing emotional, social and financial difficulties. When someone is seriously ill children need:

To be given information a bit at a time
To have information repeated in words they can understand
To be involved in the care of the ill person (if they would like to)
To hear words such as cancer and death when used appropriately (adults need to ensure that the child understands these words)
To be allowed to ask questions and have them answered honestly
To be told what is going to happen
To be told how it may affect them
To know who will be around to help them
To express feelings in words, and through art and play
To be given an opportunity to express their anxieties and to receive reassurance where appropriate
To spend quality time with their family
To be allowed to say goodbye
To play and have fun
To have a routine

Practical ways to help children when someone close is seriously ill

Encourage open communication within the family
Encourage the children to talk to someone they trust about what is happening
Memory boxes can be used in many ways. When someone is very ill they can prepare a memory box to pass on to their children special memories they have of them
Little box of thoughts- This is a series of cards of post-it notes. On each card you write special thoughts such as: – ‘I love you because——-‘, ‘I hope that—‘, ‘Remember when—-‘
The ill person can write letters or make videos for the children, telling them how they feel about them. These can be great treasures for the children later and can really help them
Children can prepare a goodbye card or gift for the ill person
There are books which children can use to express their feelings which can be helpful
Encourage the children to ask questions and express their feelings and emotions
If the child is scared of the dying process, there may be an opportunity for a professional to offer reassurance and talk about what may happen
Reassure your children who will look after them when their special person dies

Remember

Don’t be afraid to say ‘I don’t know’
Try not to make promises that you may be unable to keep
Share your feelings openly with the child
Inform schools or early years settings so that they can help to support the child